Upon arrival at the international terminal, I stay put while Josh wanders off to find a carpeted spot for us to camp. He texts me minutes later with a snug little spot by the drafty windows. We settle in near an electrical outlet, barricade ourselves in with chairs and start up the newly purchased DVD player. We start watching “The Dukes of Hazzard”, which wasn’t terrible except for Jessica Simpson. The movie is fluff, right? Jessica Simpson is fluff, too, right? What harm could she have done? They probably could have put Catherine Bach back in there and it would have been better. Josh insisted the driving was why the movie was worth watching but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open, even on the floor of the international terminal at LAX by drafty windows. I fell asleep not long after Burt Reynolds made his appearance. Jessica Simpson isn’t an actress, in my opinion, bless her heart, just like I’m not an interior decorator, try as we might.

Four AM was when we were allowed to come back and check our bag into the system and be rid of it until London . Josh didn’t sleep a wink since he felt like he needed to stand guard. At 3:45am we were late getting into line, it was already full. Thankfully, the line moved quickly. Soon we were back in the front, checking the bag and making our way to gate 46A. We slid easily through security, barely having to undress and wandered down to the gate. Josh was jonesin’ for a Cinnabon but interestingly enough, there wasn’t one there in the terminal. We were both bummed. Instead, he looked for something to eat while I protected our stuff. Mostly, I lay down and dozed with all the bags applying pressure to some part of my body. If someone moved one, I’d know. Josh came back with blueberry muffins and some hot drinks. He bought me a mocha and I had to break it to him that I can’t have coffee anymore. He had overheard me saying that I liked mochas so that’s what he bought for me. I sipped it, just a little to make him feel better but mostly it was wasted. Thus would begin a recurring theme for our little excursion to London.

Finally at 8:15am on Wednesday, the Fourth of July, 2007, Josh and I were off the ground and New York bound. He slept. I watched “Men in Black”. At some point, Josh woke up and was a wee bit slap-happy. He was dishing out one-liners like I had never heard before causing me to howl a bit too much to the dismay of our neighbors. The show being over, Josh went back to sleep. I stuck in “The Dukes of Hazzard” again to finish it off. Not much later, we were landing and I was but one chapter from the denouement of the movie. We deboarded the plane, looked for another Cinnabon (no luck), and instead bought some McDonald’s. We found more comfy carpet by the windows at JFK and ate our lunch while I watched the end of the movie. I’m going to ruin the ending, Bo Duke wins the race and all is well in Hazzard County .

Off we go again onto another plane for a six-hour trip from JFX to London Heathrow Airport. Alas, we are on our way! But, wait! There’s an infant in the row in front of us and he’s fussy. More good times. Josh goes back to sleep for a minute but awoke soon enough. I plug in his headset to the DVD player that I had broke out again, this time taking part in “The Transporter.” While Josh listened to the movie, he worked every Soduko puzzle, Mensa test and crossword puzzle the in-flight magazine had to offer. Then it was dinnertime. We weren’t expecting dinner, maybe Jenifer, our Ticket Angel, had maneuvered for us to get some airline food. Everyone got one so, we didn’t feel special anymore, then Josh chose chicken and I went with the roast beef. By this point, I was so hungry I could’ve eaten my shoe but it was surprisingly delectable. Dinner was soon eaten, the plates soon cleared and “The Transporter” soon over. Lesson learned: “Don’t look in the package.”